Humorous
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway. It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time. I don’t know why, but sometimes I show the worst of myself to the person I love the most. Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Noel Coward
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound).
If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.
Ted Turner
Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
Douglas Hofstadter
A genius! For 37 years I’ve practised fourteen hours a day, and now they call me a genius!
Pablo Sarasate
Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
Oscar Levant
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.
Homer Simpson
Everyone is self-centered, it’s just the radius that differs!
I never argue. I just explain why I’m right.
Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
The awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced that people actually thing you are stupid.